Shut it! You're Nicked

An officer says he wants to return to the policing style of the 1970s when coppers could do what they liked without interference from "do-gooders".

The 25-year-old policeman, who wants to remain anonymous to protect his job, said he had recently watched old reruns of The Sweeney on TV.

"It really opened my eyes to how effective the modern police force could be without the constraints of political correctness," he said.

"We should be able to walk up to anyone and shout 'I've got you bang to rights, mate!' without having to produce any proof whatsoever that he's done anything wrong.

"I want to turn over someone's gaffe without a search warrant and arrest someone and beat a confession out of them if we don't like their face."

He said using a taser had made policing slightly more satisfying but "namby pampy bleeding heart liberals" wanted slightly more provocation than "he looked at me funny".

Then  there was the "ridiculous" charge of sexism that he recently faced. "Just because I looked at this tasty sheila and told her I could be arrested for what I was thinking, I was up on a disciplinary. I know she was chairman of the magistrates but even so. We should be able to say what we like without being threatened with a #MeToo hashtag. These bints don't realise it's a compliment.

"That's another thing I love about The Sweeney, the endless shagging with anyone tasty under the age of 40. I was told that these days it's 'unethical', whatever that means."

The officer now fears his days are numbered. He has been warned that one more infringement will see him dismissed from the force.

"It's political correctness gone mad," he said.

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