Swearing has been banned on a Bolton building site
after complaints from a labourer.
Rupert Smugg, who lives with his parents in a quiet
street in the suburb of Lostock, said he was working at the building site to
raise money so he could go back-packing in Asia with his girlfriend Perdita.
He told managers the level of profanity infringed his
human rights. The company has now introduced a Profanity Policy which has
banned words like fuck, cunt, prick, twat and clunge.
"Mummy and daddy never swear. They say swearing
is a sign of a limited vocabulary," he said. "I found the constant cursing an assault on
my sensibilities and asked for it to stop."
Colleagues are furious at the ban saying it infringes
THEIR human rights.
"The building profession has a long and
honourable tradition of using swear words to relieve tension," said
plasterer Norman Smith. "Now this infernal scoundrel has put the kybosh on
it. He's nothing but a coccydynia."
Roofer Wayne Wankuur said, "Take a look at that
bescumbered list of banned words. That ructabunde Rupert is all of them. ALL OF
THEM. The cross-eyed keffel should be drowned in a barrel of foul-smelling
excrement."
Rupert has been ostracised and is left alone every
lunchtime to eat his smashed avocado, mixed leaves and hummus salad while his workmates
tuck into their bacon and brown sauce sarnies and mutter under their breath
about the "iniquitous state of affairs".
"It can get quite lonely at times," said
Rupert, "but I don't really care. Perdita and I plan to go travelling in
about six months and I spend my lunch hours planning our journey. Those
curmudgeons can like it or lump it."
Glossary
Coccydynia: Pain in the ass
Bescumbered: Shit covered
Ructabunde: Gas bag
Keffel: Posh person with big teeth
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