Thursday 10 October 2019

Labourer Branded A C**t and Motherf****er By Workmates



Swearing has been banned on a Bolton building site after complaints from a labourer.

Rupert Smugg, who lives with his parents in a quiet street in the suburb of Lostock, said he was working at the building site to raise money so he could go back-packing in Asia with his girlfriend Perdita.

He told managers the level of profanity infringed his human rights. The company has now introduced a Profanity Policy which has banned words like fuck, cunt, prick, twat and clunge.

"Mummy and daddy never swear. They say swearing is a sign of a limited vocabulary," he said. "I found the constant cursing an assault on my sensibilities and asked for it to stop."

Colleagues are furious at the ban saying it infringes THEIR human rights.

"The building profession has a long and honourable tradition of using swear words to relieve tension," said plasterer Norman Smith. "Now this infernal scoundrel has put the kybosh on it. He's nothing but a coccydynia."

Roofer Wayne Wankuur said, "Take a look at that bescumbered list of banned words. That ructabunde Rupert is all of them. ALL OF THEM. The cross-eyed keffel should be drowned in a barrel of foul-smelling excrement."

Rupert has been ostracised and is left alone every lunchtime to eat his smashed avocado, mixed leaves and hummus salad while his workmates tuck into their bacon and brown sauce sarnies and mutter under their breath about the "iniquitous state of affairs".

"It can get quite lonely at times," said Rupert, "but I don't really care. Perdita and I plan to go travelling in about six months and I spend my lunch hours planning our journey. Those curmudgeons can like it or lump it."

Glossary
Coccydynia: Pain in the ass
Bescumbered: Shit covered
Ructabunde: Gas bag
Keffel: Posh person with big teeth

PREVIOUS POST: Banging' Clothes Shock
NEXT POST: CCTV Like Big Brother


Contact Via Email

Amazon's Best Kept Secret

No comments:

Post a Comment